As One Door Closes
by CSIsnickers101
Summary: Because you know what they say, as one door closes...


Disclaimer – I don't own CSI.

A/N: Hiya. Me again. But with something a little bit different. This story is set all the way back in season 3, and I have absolutely no idea where it came from but I liked it. Let me know what you guys think about this. Enjoy!

As One Door Closes

What a horrible day it had been. First murder, and now this. The drinking had helped a little, but it hadn't eased the pain much at all. She was kind of numb, to be perfectly honest. And she was more grateful than she could ever put into words that Catherine had not let her be alone once their shift had ended. The two of them had had their differences but when push comes to shove girls have got to stick together in the male dominated world that was law enforcement.

Sara was sitting on her sofa with her legs curled underneath her. The TV was on in the background but she wasn't paying any attention to it. In all honesty she wasn't paying attention to anything. Not her thoughts, her emotions. Nothing. She was feeling as neutral as the beige carpet in her hallway. She wasn't sad, she wasn't angry; she wasn't anything but still and silent. She didn't have the energy to be mad or upset or jealous; she didn't have the energy to hate him because that would mean actually acknowledging what had happened several hours ago, and in truth she wasn't sure it had truly registered yet.

She went straight home after downing two glasses of red wine in quick succession, having barely said a word to her female colleague. But she didn't want to talk about it, about how stupid she had been. Sara already knew all that; she'd known how stupid she was since she first got together with him. Yet still she felt nothing. Maybe something would kick in in a couple of days when it finally hits her that he used her, that he didn't care if he messed with her feelings or his other girlfriends' feelings, and when it suddenly occurs to her that he had done nothing but waste her time and spin her lie after lie. In all honestly, she wasn't yet sure who she would be more mad at; him for playing the con or herself for falling for it.

Sara closed her eyes and tried to force herself to fall asleep, hoping to wake up from what she could only assume had been the worlds worst nightmare. She'd been hurt by guys in the past but never had she been used in such a way, to allow a guy to cheat on his girlfriend. And the worst part? She hadn't even suspected a thing; what did that say about her? He had seemed so genuine and lovely, a kindhearted man who she'd seemed to have so much in common with, but how much of that was lies too? She supposed she'd never know.

And to her surprise she finally felt something: pain. A physical ache in her heart, not so much for Hank but for what he represented. She'd never loved him, not truly, not like in the movies, but she had cared for him. The fact that he'd used her to cheat on the girlfriend he already had was neither here nor there, but the lies and the deceit, that was what was causing the pain. Just so much as allowing herself to think about the situation, about him, made everything so much worse. She didn't want to think about him anymore. She didn't want to waste her time on him anymore, because he'd made it abundantly clear that he wasn't worth the effort. And having to chalk yet another relationship down to inconsolable differences didn't exactly feel great either.

When the door knocked a minute or so later, Sara nearly jumped out of her own skin.

"Hi," Nick smiled sheepishly as he stood outside her door, resembling a nervous child waiting outside the principals office.

"Hey," Sara shot back bluntly, getting to the point.

"Can I come in?" Nick asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sara just shrugged as she moved away from the door, leaving it open for him.

Nick cleared his throat as he walked in, closing the door behind him. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets as he stood swaying slightly through awkwardness as he waited for Sara to make the first move.

"So go on then, say it," Sara snapped, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Say what?" Nick asked innocently.

"Say 'I told you so'," Sara insisted.

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Because you were right. You were right all along about him but I didn't listen to you. I thought you'd be happy," she huffed.

"Why would I be happy when he's made you this upset?" Nick questioned rhetorically, his voice soft and sincere. "I came round to see if you were okay, not to gloat."

"Already common knowledge around the lab then?" she assumed.

"No, not at all. Catherine came back to the lab, but it's not what you think, she didn't walk in screaming about it. I asked where you'd gone to, seen as you two left together, and she said you'd gone home. I pressed and all she said was you and Hank had broken up. I just wanted to see if you were okay," Nick explained himself.

"He used me to cheat on his girlfriend," Sara stated matter of factly. "I'm fine."

"He did what?"

"You heard," Sara sighed, looking down at the floor.

"Seriously? I mean you're sure, it's not just...," Nick's question trailed off, still in disbelief.

"No, it's not all in my head. It's true. I met her, his... his girlfriend... I met her yesterday, as part of my case. She didn't have a clue. And why would she? I didn't either. She seemed quite nice actually. She wasn't a suspect or anything, just someone who knew something. She had this picture of the two of them, and their body language... I knew instantly that he'd been playing me for a fool. I didn't have it in me to say anything at the time, it was the shock I guess. But he came to see me in the lab later on. He didn't even deny it, didn't try and talk his way out of it. I suppose I should probably give him some credit for that. He apologised but we both knew that wouldn't ever be enough. He told me everything, how I was his 'bit on the side' though in fairness he didn't say those exact words. And then that was that. Over and done with just like it had never happened at all," Sara let out a breath once she'd finished explaining what had happened.

"I'm so sorry, Sara," Nick spoke sincerely.

"Why are you sorry? It wasn't your fault," Sara insisted. "You never liked the guy anyway so what does it matter."

"It matters. He hurt you and that matters, and you won't convince me otherwise," he stated.

"Yeah, well, that's life, isn't it? These things happen," she shrugged, clearing her throat once more.

Nick wasn't entirely sure who she was speaking to; herself or him. It seemed a lot like she was trying to convince herself that it didn't matter, when in reality they both knew it did. "You didn't deserve to be treated like that," he continued.

"I didn't, did I?" she sighed thoughtfully. "At least I'm not the only one who thinks that. But there's nothing I or anyone else can do about that now."

"No, we can't...," he shook his head. "But are you okay? I mean, I know your not exactly on the top of the world right now but..."

"You know me, I'll be alright. Right now I... I just feel like I've just wasted so much of my time on nothing, on a no-hope situation," she explained, hanging her head low. "I wished I'd stayed the hell away from him, and not let myself be sucked in by... by him, and his lies... I should've known better. I should've seen this coming."

"How exactly would you have done that? He was a pretty convincing liar, and you had no reason to suspect anything," Nick reasoned with her. "I didn't much care for the guy but I never would've thought he'd have sunk this low."

"People can surprise you...," she spoke, her voice low, as she shrugged her shoulders.

"He didn't deserve you, he never did. You know my feelings on that subject," Nick stated, giving her a knowing look. "You deserve so much better than him. So it's his loss. If he can't see how amazing you are and how lucky he was to have you in his life then he didn't deserve you in the first place."

"Nick...," Sara blushed.

"I'm right. And nothing you can say will convince me otherwise. Sar, you have got to stop putting yourself down all the time," Nick told her. "You are far too good to be anyone's 'bit on the side'. And I just wish that you would see that."

Sara could only continue blushing as she hung her head low, not daring to look him in the eye. He had always been nothing but sweet to her over the few years they'd known each other, but this felt different, more sentimental, more personal.

She eventually forced herself to look up and meet his gaze, and was greeted with his smiling face beaming back at her. That grin of his was just something else. And the best part of all was that when he smiled, she felt compelled to follow suit. She tried to keep her smile small and contained and it was hopeless, as usual.

"And there's that smile I've missed," Nick smiled sweetly.

Sara gave a slight nod in acknowledgment, her smile turning into a smirk ever so slightly. This was the first time that day she had properly smiled something more than a simple lip twitch to a colleague, though in fairness in the last few hours she hadn't found much to smile about.

She stared into his dark eyes for what felt like forever before she decided to make her move. She began leaning in to him, preparing her lips for contact with his.

"Woh, Sara, what're you doing?" Nick explained as he recoiled. "Sara, stop."

"But I thought..."

"No, Sara, you've just come out of a long term relationship, you need time," Nick tried to reason with her. "And you can't just..."

"I don't understand...," Sara furrowed her brow in confusion.

"It's too soon. You need time," Nick stated forcefully. "And I'm not gonna be some rebound guy to make you feel better."

On reflection, his words were probably more harsh than he'd intended them to be but they'd got his point across. It wasn't that he didn't want to kiss her, to be kissed by her, but there was a lot of variables that needed to be considered on such an emotionally charged situation.

Sara paused the take a long slow breath before speaking. "You can see yourself out," she told him, her voice steady and even as she got up and walked towards her bedroom.

Nick stood up with her simultaneously and opened his mouth to speak, finding that his brain was still very much in shock yet words were coming out automatically. "Sara... Wait, please. I'm sorry... Sara, please... I'm sorry, it was just... it was just a reflex, I didn't mean..."

"Forget about it. Forget I did anything, I already have," Sara insisted. "Just... Just go, you're making everything ten times worse."

"Sara, please, hear me out..."

"To say what exactly?" Sara exclaimed. "You've made you're opinion quite clear."

"Oh, come on, you know it's not like I didn't want to," Nick countered, giving her a look. "Sara, there's a time and a place, and a few hours after breaking up with your boyfriend just doesn't seem like the time to me. Call me crazy, but I was trying to be considerate."

She couldn't have infuriate him at times, and he was pretty sure she knew it too. But she was the only one that could, the only one that could drive him close to despair with her stubbornness and direct nature. He thought that that was what made them such a good team. They bounced off each other, in every way possible. Like yin and yang, ... Bonnie and Clyde. They got the best out of each other, made the others' good qualities shine through. They just worked, having instantly clicked from day one. From then on they'd always made the perfect team when solving a crime, so maybe that was where it had all stemmed from. Nick had never lied to himself about the feelings he had for her, it was just to everyone else that he stretched the truth, including to the woman standing in front of him.

But now as one door closed, another one became slightly ajar. And neither of them seemed sure what to make of it or how to move forward.

"For the record...," Sara snapped, as she turned around to look at him. She continued speaking, her voice softening. "For the record, you could never be 'some rebound guy', I care about you too much for that. The truth is... The truth is that he was a rebound for you," she admitted, letting out a breath.

Nick's eyes widened with surprise and curiosity, his mouth opening slightly in a stunned silence.

"Don't give me that look," she insisted. "I know, it was my fault that nothing ever happened between us but I was scared, and you know that. We were both scared of the consequences, what it could mean for us, personally and professionally. I'd just started working at the lab and I didn't want it to reflect badly on me, on either of us, I didn't want us being quizzed all the time about it, and I figured it would be too much to deal with the stress of maintaining a relationship. And yes, I was too much of a wimp to take the risk, to just give it a go, I know that. But now I know that that was hands down the worst decision I've ever made. Because the feelings I had for you never went away, never changed. And I don't believe they will. So... So he was my way of trying to get over you."

And suddenly in that one moment 3 years worth of memories filled her head.

The strongest of all was that very first night when they both realised there was something between them, something more than 'just friends'. She remembered feeling kinda awkward and uncomfortable around him, not in a bad way, in a sort of 'I know that you know I know you know' kind of way. Neither of them spoke a word, and yet in that moment they learned more about each other than words could ever express. It was one of those spine tingling, earth shattering kind of moments; moments that make or break people, build character.

They went out on one date about 18 months ago. Though the word 'date' was never spoken aloud both she and Nick knew that it was a date. They went out for dinner at a nice restaurant, somewhere Nick had chosen specially after he'd gone to the effort of checking if they did decent vegetarian meals for her, and he'd insisted upon paying. It had been a wonderful night. They talked all evening about nothing and everything, and one of Sara's strongest memories of the night was how much her cheeks hurt afterwards from smiling so much. After dinner he walked her to her door like the gentleman he was, and gave her a small peck on the lips to top off the evening, the kind of kiss that answered a few questions about him but also left her wanting more; he clearly knew what he was doing. He leaned back and promised to beat her into work that evening. The smile on his face as he walked away lit up the street more than any of the streetlights could. Their first date had been perfect, a thing of fairy tales.

But sadly theirs was a fairy tale of a sorrowful ending.

There had always been something there, an invisible connection, a mythical spark, that had kept them close. But that spark had been ignited only to fizzle out into nothing. And it was heart-breaking. Soul destroying was a more accurate description. The feelings made the situation feel simple, straightforward. To Sara it felt as though she'd just pulled the world's largest bandaid off of her heart, and was now left with an incomprehensible pain and mess to clear up. While the feelings were easily defined, the situation that led up to those subsequent feelings had been anything but simple.

She would always get a bit teary when she thought about it - something she did more often than she'd like to admit - about how she'd hurt him, and her body would fill with instant regret. It'd been all her fault. In her own defence, Sara had never intended to hurt him, to break his heart like a twig, much less her own, yet she felt she was the only one who could make the rational, grown up decision that was to end their relationship before it'd ever really got off the ground. She had never intended on falling in love with him but it'd just sort of happened, almost overnight, without her knowledge or consent. And for a while that didn't bother her, until one day it did.

She broke it off, much to Nick's surprise. The reason? Work. She looked back on it now thinking it was probably just one big excuse, but an understandable one. They worked together; it was unethical. The pair of them loved their job, and Sara didn't want them to spend the rest of their careers being questioned on their relationship, having every little thing put into doubt because they were dating, or even married. She was sure she'd predicted the future and she didn't like what she saw. So she took it upon herself to play the bad guy, to pull the cord on their budding relationship before they were too in over their heads, though perhaps they already were.

She had to give Nick some credit for how he handled it. At first, he was totally and utterly dismissive about the whole thing, insisting that she didn't know what she was talking about and that they would make sure that everything worked out in the end. But ultimately he was forced to back down and admit defeat. For a while the atmosphere between them was horrendous. Nick was hurting, and didn't want to speak to her for any longer than was necessary. It was understandable. But it hurt. It hurt to know how much she'd hurt him, let him down. That had been the last thing she'd wanted. It truly broke her heart to see him so downtrodden, so defeated, so angry. Eventually he booked a week off to visit his family in Texas, and on his return he seemed more like his old self again. In spite of everything that had gone on between them in recent weeks, Sara had missed him profoundly. But seeing that familiar smile on his face made her know she had to do everything within her power to squash those feelings. She made her choice and now she had to live with it. She still cared for him dearly, that much would never change.

It was undeniable that the spark was still there, considerably dimmed but still flickering with strong perseverance. Maybe there was still hope. The fact still remained that the past couldn't be altered. Nick had well and truly been friend-zoned. At first he wasn't alright with it, and then he was, and then he wasn't again. He wasn't alright with it when she had someone else.

They had just started getting along like before when Hank showed up and put everything into a tail-spin. Sara thought he was cute, kinda goofy, kinda like a big kid really. But he was kind and sweet, and clever, and best of all, available. He was fair game. He arrived at a convenient time and served as a convenient distraction for both of them.

"You have to understand, I thought I'd made the right decision at the time. I was new here, and I'd come in to investigate Rick which didn't exactly set me off on the right foot with many people. And I know I didn't do much to help that either; I know I can be difficult to work with sometimes. So I didn't want it to seem like I was sleeping my way to the top... It made sense to me, okay? It was my reason and I went with it, okay? I can't change that now. But I knew from the start that there was something between us, something drawing me towards you. I didn't expect for any of this to happen. I didn't expect to come here and fall for you. Trust me that was the last thing on my mind. And I tried to make things better by latching on to someone else instead of you. And we both know how well that worked out..."

"Sara...," Nick tried to interject.

"Me and him, we never would've worked, because there was always something... there was always you...," Sara gulped as she made eye contact with the man in front of her. "He was just there, and you weren't. He was in the right place at the right time. So in all honesty I probably used him just as much as he used me. But I really don't want to talk about Hank. I want to talk about you, and us. And I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, for acting like everything was normal and fine when it wasn't, for acting like you didn't mean anything to me. Because you do, Nick, you really do. You mean the world to me. If I could go back in time I'd say all those things and more, much more, all the things I wished I'd said to you every day since. But I can't. I can't because I'm human and we make mistakes. And I made the mother of all mistakes when I thought that I could choose work over..."

She was cut off when Nick planted his lips firmly on top of hers.

And just like that everything changed. They agreed to start over, wipe the slate clean. They would put whatever had happened in the past behind them, and look ahead to the future. They would take things slow, forge their path together, piece by piece. It wouldn't be easy or straightforward - anything that involved either of them seldom was - but there was no hurry. They'd get this right. They'd fight for it. They didn't know what lay ahead for them, both personally and professionally, but they would find out together. Because you know what they say, as one door closes...

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. For the new little while I think I'll just be focusing on my other story, Everything Happens For A Reason, in order to make some proper headway with it. I have such high hopes for that story and I want to continue writing it. I think I'll only post a different story if the idea comes to me and won't leave. Please review.


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